


you make me feel (like i'm free again)

by Imiaslavie



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: (very-very briefly mentioned), Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Fluff and Angst, M/M, No romantic or sexual undertones, Platonic Kissing, Self-Indulgent, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 05:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15942305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imiaslavie/pseuds/Imiaslavie
Summary: Elijah is older than him only by two-and-something months, but he moves through his life with such speed that Gavin can’t help but think him at least a couple of years older, if not more. Compared to him, Elijah is a grown-up already.





	you make me feel (like i'm free again)

**Author's Note:**

> So one night I sat down to write a sweet story of five kisses, thinking I don't have more to say that 1k words. I woke up some hours later to THIS, to plot and angst and everything. How — I don't know. But I guess I DID have something to say lol. I love this dynamic. And I love this story.
> 
> Tag 'Self-Indulgent' is there because A) it is, and B) I have not made any effort to make their motivation clear (er?). I know what I have in mind, and I know exactly what everything in the text means, and I won't try to add any clarifying paragraphs. But I can clarify in here — to back up the tags — that Gavin and Elijah give their kisses no more meaning than simple hugs. It's just the thing they do. That's why there are no thoughts or attempts to discuss it from either of them: there's nothing to discuss. Also, I guess, 'Incest' is an umbrella term in here...? WHATEVER.
> 
> Oh, and they're half-brothers (I put a subtle sentence about that somewhere). I would make them brothers, but their stupid birthdays made it impossible.
> 
> And I pronounce Eli as Ellie with a short L. I don't know if it's correct, but I don't give a fuck. 'Eli' gives me butterflies in my stomach.
> 
> What else... uh, not beta-ed. We die like any other guy, gal and non-binary pal.
> 
> ALSO. The kiss in the part 4 can feel a bit... non-consensual. I guess it partly is.

1.  
Elijah is older than him only by two-and-something months, but he moves through his life with such speed that Gavin can’t help but think him at least a couple of years older, if not more. Compared to him, Elijah is a grown-up already. He sure as hell doesn’t behave as a proper thirteen-year-old.

Gavin is totally okay with that. It’s nice to know someone as clever and mature as an adult cares about you. Especially when actual adults don't.

But still, when one day Elijah comes home after a two-week conference somewhere abroad with a piercing in his tongue, he seems like a teenager going through a rebellion phase. Not that there’re parents to rebel against since they have always allowed Elijah everything.

Gavin smirks, pulling the thick woollen parka off his brother’s shoulders when they enter their room. Gavin doesn’t remember which country exactly Elijah has visited, but it was somewhere warm, and now he shivers under Detroit’s chilly September winds.

“Not even gonna ask me how it went?” Elijah says, falling down on his bed. It’s a huge thing with dozens of pillows, both small and big, half of which inevitably ends up on the floor during the night.

“No.”

Elijah props himself on his elbow, takes a proper look at Gavin. “No? Why?”

Gavin sits down near him, wiggles on the bed until his back is against the wall, steals one of the pillows to put it over his knees. “Because I _know_ how it went. It was productive but boring, and everyone around you was idiots. Also the security has tried to escort you out at least one time because you looked like a lost kid.”

“There was an amusement park across the building my conference was being held in.” Elijah scrunches his nose. “The security guard suggested I go there instead. Imbecile. I had a _badge_. But whatever. Better check _this_ out,” he says and sticks out his tongue.

And there’s a small metallic bead in the middle of it.

Then Elijah lets his tongue fall flat inside of his mouth, and Gavin can see the thin metallic rod. 

“Holy fuck,” he says, watching the bead with fascination. “When did you get this done? During the conference?”

“Ah, no. About a month ago, maybe more. You,” Elijah quickly adds, sensing the upcoming question, “are completely unobservant.”

Gavin scoffs and focuses his attention on his phone. It’s true, though. You could slip an elephant through their living room with Gavin sitting right there, and he probably wouldn’t notice. His attention span and observation skills _suck_.

A comfortable silence falls upon them. Gavin missed this, just being near each other. The house always feels colder without Elijah, no matter the season. More sterile, more unwelcoming. But when they’re together in their room — it’s a sanctuary.

It’s so quiet that Gavin can hear the almost inaudible clicks of Eli playing with his piercing inside of his mouth. It’s probably very bad for the teeth, but it must be hard to resist the urge to play with the foreign object.

Gavin wonders what it feels like.

“Hey, Eli… What it’s like?”

His brother doesn’t take his eyes away from his tablet, his fingers typing up lines of some code with a crazy speed. “Kinda weird. Kinda nice. The master said I’d get used to it eventually and stop playing with it as often as I’m tempted to now.”

“I see… Can I try?”

This time, Elijah does look at him. “And how do you propose I do _that_?”

“With a kiss, you dipshit. Keep up.”

Has Elijah left his big brain in another country or something? What else does he think Gavin is proposing? They hold each other gazes for some more time until something shifts in Elijah’s facial expression, something that can’t really be named, that quickly transforms into amusement.

“You don’t even know _how_ to kiss.”

“And you don’t even know how not to be a dick, but you don’t see me complaining.”

“I actually can see that very we—”

Oh, for fuck’s sake..! Gavin bends down and presses his lips against Elijah’s, a firm but short touch to get the point across, and then immediately starts licking against his lips until his brother finally gets the hint and parts them, letting Gavin’s tongue in. And, okay, Gavin _doesn’t_ know how to kiss, but so what? His goal is to explore, not to compete with some other people Elijah has, apparently, kissed and deemed good kissers. 

When their tongues slide against each other, right inside Elijah’s mouth, Gavin backs away with a sharp gasp. Wow. That felt… awesome. And he hasn’t even touched the bead of the piercing yet. His brother takes a shaky breath, mumbles something indecipherable but very gentle, and then his arm slides around Gavin’s shoulders, bringing him closer, making him move into a more comfortable position. And then Elijah is the one sliding his tongue across Gavin’s slightly parted lips, the metallic bead brushing faintly against the corner of his mouth. Fucking tease. He knows why they’re doing it and openly mocks Gavin, makes him wait. Fucker.

Gavin’s free hand, the one that isn’t clutching tightly the wool of Elijah’s sweater, slides into Elijah's hair, through the thick locks, settles firmly on the top of his head, steadying it. There’s mirth in his brother's eyes. He chuckles and then obediently opens his mouth wide, his tongue out and lying flat against his lower lip. Good. Gavin smirks too and tilts his head to lick the metallic bead. Huh. He thought it would taste at least somewhat of metal. Shame. He lets his tongue slide under Elijah’s, gently pushing against the bead there until he can see the part of the thin rod appearing on the upper side. He slowly rolls his tongue left and right, up and down, just a little, carefully watching the bead mirroring the movement. His brother breathes heavily through his nose but doesn’t move away or complain, which is nice, but odd. Gavin looks up to check on him — and their eyes meet. And then he almost yelps in surprise when his brother surges forward and slots their mouths together, his hands grabbing Gavin’s neck and tilting his head to the left and back. And, okay, this… this is better than just exploring, than having his brother lying silently under him. Eli certainly knows what he is doing, his tongue sliding inside of Gavin’s mouth, against the inside of his lower lip, making sure not to hit his teeth with the beads. Gavin chases the sensation of the warm metal, careful not to push or tug too hard. And he doesn’t know how common kisses feel like, but this one is one step away from making him either groan or whine.

“So… the verdict?” Eli says, breaking the kiss and letting his hands fall away from Gavin’s neck. They shuffle away from each other, right into the positions they’ve held before their little experiment. They both are a little out of breath, and Elijah has to redo his ponytail.

“I hoped it would taste more of metal.”

“Can you imagine everything that you eat taste like metal? Of course it doesn’t taste like anything.” And Gavin doesn’t look at him, but he is sure his brother is rolling his eyes right now.

“I wouldn’t be the one living with that.” Gavin smirks. “But anyway, thanks.”

Elijah hums in reply, already completely focused on his tablet. Gavin returns his attention to the game he was playing on his phone before.

It’s nice to have his brother back.

 

2.  
Maybe it has to do with Gavin finally being hit by hormones, maybe it has to do with the fact he had to change schools, or maybe with the fact he hasn’t seen his brother in almost three months, but he just can’t. Stop. Being. Angry.

He is angry all the time.

He is angry at his parents being overly courteous with him; he is angry with the neighbour’s dog barking each day around eight PM; he is angry with the way pencil scraps the paper; he is angry at the way water from the shower head hits his body. He is angry at his classmates, at his teachers, at anyone and everything around him.

Except for Elijah.

Gavin hates that he isn’t here, that his work requires him to spend months away, but he loves his brother too much to let this irrational anger mar his feelings.

Gavin copes by fighting.

When he greets Elijah at the airport in the middle of December, there’s a fresh cut across his lips, above his right eyebrow and a yellowish, but still very impressive bruise on his right cheekbone. And that’s only his face.

They run towards each other across the half-empty airport hall and collide almost painfully, weave arms around each other. The embrace is tight, and the fresh bruises on Gavin’s spine scream in protest, but he doesn’t care. Finally, they let go, hands still ghosting around each other’s arms and shoulders. Elijah’s wide smile quickly fades when he sees Gavin’s face. Gavin, on the other hand, starts smiling. The cut on his lip rips, sending a flash of pain up his face.

“Holy fuck, Gav…” Elijah whispers, wiping away the blood trickling down Gavin’s chin with his thumb. “Is this a Fight Club thing or something?” He takes Gavin by the elbow and leads them both to a free bench. “If it is, I don’t care about the first two rules. Tell me.”

Adoration feels Gavin’s chest. Oh, how he missed these stupid jokes and nerdy references. “Nothin’ like that. Just was bored. That’s all.”

“Never seen you being bored before.”

“‘cause I never am around you.”

Elijah purses his lips. Gavin replays his last words in his head. Shit. He really didn’t mean for them to sound like a roundabout accusation. He meant exactly what he said, nothing less and nothing more. And honestly? Elijah is a dick with a weird mind, and fuck him for over-analyzing everything. But Gavin loves him, so he hugs him, briefly but strongly, leaves a quick peck on his lips, picks up one of his rather heavy bags and goes to catch a taxi.

“You owe me a shitton of gifts, do you know that?” Gavin says when they settle on the backseat of a fancy taxi car. He expects Elijah to joke about it, but…

“I know,” he says instead, sounding apologetic. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you. But only because you _almost_ missed Christmas.”

Now there’s confusion on his brother’s face. Gavin grins. “I’ve seen the schedule for that thing you were attending. You were supposed to finish on 24th, and with the flight schedules, you would not make it home until the 27th. You moved you lecture to get home in time.”

Gavin carefully watches Elijah’s ears. And... yep. They go red. That’s the way his brother blushes, and it’s just as adorable as it’s a dead giveaway.

“Clever, clever little brother. What happened to that little boy who missed all the things in the world?”

“Making sense out of written down information is very different from observing, you kno— Uh, sir?” Gavin says, noticing Elijah hiding his palms in the pockets of his hoodie. “Can you turn up the heater? Thanks. Where was I? Ah, yeah. It’s different. Yeah.”

Elijah’s head suddenly falls on his shoulder, his arm weaving around Gavin’s. For a moment it makes Gavin feel like he is older. The moment passes quickly, Gavin deciding that you don’t actually need to be older to take care of someone. It’s good, being the little brother, but still making sure that your older brother isn’t cold enough or isn’t worried too much about the cuts and bruises on your face.

Elijah falls asleep.

For the very first time in his life, Gavin is happy that the road from the airport takes almost two hours.

 

3.  
Middle school sucked. High school sucks even more. Everyone is prancing around, excited about nothing and everything at once, and the only thing on their mind is dating. Guys talk about girls, girls talk about guys, and if it wasn’t enough, there’s also a guy in the parallel class talking about guys. If Gavin hears him praising the abs of the rugby team captain again, he will deck him. Why is it so hard to just… shut up and thirst after people privately? Gavin doesn’t have anything against the idea of sex and appreciating bodies, but he is very much against being vocal about it. Also the spring of 2018 has finally marked the moment he has managed to take control of his anger and he would very much hate to lose his balance by getting into argument with some dude or another.

And all that? It’s only the third of Gavin’s problems.

The other third is the upcoming exams.

The _other_ other third is Elijah.

When he is away — it’s bad. When he is here — it’s worse. It means Gavin has to deal with the uncomfortable silences, with secrets, with averted gazes and awkward attempts to thaw the ice. Elijah is preparing something, something _big_ , and he refuses to tell a thing. It hurts like hell.

Gavin hates how things have changed between them. It’s not drastic on the outside: they still hang out, they still take care of each other, Elijah still helps him with his studies, Gavin still makes sure Elijah eats and doesn’t stay up too late, a countless other _still_ s. But there’s something bitter about all of these, something that Gavin is sure exists only for him, a nagging sensation of wrongness that makes him want to hug his brother and never let him go, and at the same time — to never speak with him again. Elijah sure as hell doesn’t feel like this. He is as carefree and confident as ever, that _I can achieve anything I want in this life and I have not a single care_ aura around him. It used to make Gavin feel good, protected. Now it’s a reminder of the rift between them because his brother doesn’t need anyone to achieve what he wants. Anyone.

What is even worse — Gavin still loves Elijah more than anything in this stupid worthless world.

And… it’s not like he has a choice when it comes to the matters of support. Who else would care about the stupid teenage problems Gavin is going through? Certainly not his parents, proper and unresponsive as fucking marble statues. He doesn’t actually blame them. He _is_ a bastard, after all. He is lucky to be a part of this family at all, although the word _mother_ hasn’t ever been something he has said with sincerity. _Father_ is starting to sound forced, too.

Gavin sighs, looking at the trigonometry textbook with disdain. This shit will kill him. The basic principles he gets. The formulas — he gets. But when it’s paired with that three-dimension geometry stuff — he loses his mind. It’s supposed to be easy, he knows he can do it, but he just… can’t concentrate. His mind is filled with all the other subjects of his curriculum, all of them at once, his thoughts jumping from theorems to historic dates to poems. It’s a mess.

“My dear, if you keep frowning like that, you’ll get wrinkles much sooner than it’s appropriate to.”

Gavin whips around on his chair so fast he almost falls. He tracks Elijah with wide eyes: how he lowers the grey duffel bag he has left with this morning on the floor, how he changes his fancy silky shirt to a T-shirt with an image of copper and tellurium joke, how he re-does his ponytail.

“What… what are you doing here? I thought you…”

“Left for the meeting?” Elijah takes another chair and puts it near Gavin’s, the wooden legs slightly scraping the floor. “I did. Was halfway there. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Gavin’s breath hitches. Did he do something? “Me?”

His brother gives him a small, somewhat sad smile. “I know I haven’t been there for you much lately. But I always keep an eye on you. And how could I leave, knowing that you need me here, today more than usual? So…” He tugs the textbook closer, his hand smoothing over the page. “I postponed everything. I’m all yours today. We’ll do whatever you want. Or need. How does that sound?”

“I… is there a difference?” Gavin asks, unsure. “Between what I want and what I need?”

“Well… You can want a number of different things right now, including the ones that wouldn’t actually benefit you. But what you need right now is to relax. Everything else will come after that.”

“Oh.” Gavin bites his lower lip, his eyes skimming over the disarray of notebooks and textbooks. “How do… how do you think we do that?”

Elijah smiles. And then he leans forward and captures Gavin’s mouth in a gentle kiss. The effect is instantaneous. All the thoughts leave Gavin’s head, and it’s freeing, it’s like he can finally think straight, like he can finally concentrate. So he concentrates on the feeling of hot lips sliding slowly against his own, on the sensation of Elijah’s fingertips trailing lightly over Gavin’s wrists and forearms, on the weight of Elijah’s knee resting against his own. He feels like he is floating.

Gavin pulls away slightly, taking short breaths of air, and Elijah starts leaving quick feather-light kisses across his jaw, on his cheeks, in the corners of his mouth, then, suddenly, on the tip of Gavin’s nose, making him laugh, then he makes Gavin laugh even harder by rubbing their noses against each other. They fall still, their foreheads touching. Gavin opens his eyes and looks down on their joined hands.

His head feels clear.

He says, “Thank you.”

His brother nods, leaves a quick dry kiss on his lips and backs away, his attention on the notebook with Gavin’s attempts to solve a problem.

“Trigonometry, right?” Elijah says, picking up a pencil. “Let’s see…”

Gavin grabs a pencil too.

He solves most of the problems with ease. And he doesn’t think about how long this reprieve will last. At all.

 

4.  
The thing about betrayals: they can be absolutely anything.

Sometimes it’s the ice cream your mother promised to bring you and didn’t. Sometimes it’s your friend, who swore to spend a weekend with you, calling everything off because he fell ill, only for you to found out later he actually went to the cinema with his girlfriend. Sometimes you betray yourself, by breaking a promise not to get into any fights at least until you finish school.

Sometimes it’s your brother creating an entire company at sixteen and leaving you feeling like trash.

Gavin has always known that Elijah is superior not only to him but to the most of the population. That he won’t be just another regular guy out of seven billion others. Elijah Kamski was supposed to turn the world upside down.

Gavin has never thought it would also mean leaving him behind.

They were supposed to be inseparable. An unbreakable bond kind of thing, red string of fate, destiny or whatever the fuck else people always say in such situations. Two brothers, forever at each other side.

Instead, Gavin is left crying in his bedroom — _his_ , not _theirs_ , not anymore — while Elijah celebrates in his fancy place in the middle of Detroit. Oh, of course Gavin was invited. What a fucking joke. It’s not a place for him. It never will be.

When Gavin was sixteen, he felt like the whole world was against him. It was stressful, it was painful, it was not being able to sleep until two AM, it was constantly forgetting stuff, it was days spent in constant vigilance. But also it was a _good morning_ and a _good night_ each goddamn day, said in whispers, coupled by chuckling and the smell of coffee. It was late night study sessions that never felt like a burden. It was all exhaustion wiped away with a gentle kiss on his temple or cheek or lips. It was a balance, a shaky one, but balance.

Sixteen seems so far away right now. It seems perfect. All that is left for him now is empty messages, awkward Skype calls and seeing each other once or twice a month. Elijah tries, sure. He is kind, he is gentle, he finds time in his tight schedule, he finally shares info on his numerous projects (still nothing palpable, but at least something). But also he pretends he doesn’t understand why exactly Gavin is upset, and this is something Gavin can’t ignore. They slowly grow apart, and Gavin is sure it’s not long before Elijah will stop his attempts to mend the things between them.

Gavin might be impulsive when it comes to starting fights, but when it comes to big decisions — he thinks everything through properly. Enrolling in the Detroit Police Academy doesn’t feel like a thought-out decision at all. Sure, he studied for it, prepared without telling a soul. But those two years have passed in such a blur Gavin barely remembers anything. It’s almost like he woke up one day to meet a completely different world. Which is… convenient. Less worrying, less hurting. The only thing he remembers distinctly is laughing at the Five I’s of a police officer till there were tears in his eyes and pain in his stomach. Because not one of those I’s can actually be used to describe him. Ah, no, there _was_ something else. He remembers crying because the woman that was supposed to be his mother was surprised he has passed the _no felony convictions_ requirement of the DPA. 

He moves out and gets his own place. He changes his name, the process too complicated for his tastes, but he conquers the endless forms, the fees, the court hearing, the everything. His new last name is a pun, and he hates himself for not resisting it. Elijah was the one loving stupid puns and jokes, not him. But since the name is a silent dedication to his brother anyway, he lets it slide. Lets it be the last slip.

Not a week into 2021, everyone around him endlessly making jokes about hindsight being twenty-twenty and making him groan, Elijah pays him an unexpected visit. He looks good, well-rested, even though the stubble is weird. Gavin has never thought his brother would go for a beard. But there are a lot of things he didn't know about him.

“Imagine my surprise,” Elijah starts without even saying hello, “when I looked through the lists of people graduating the DPA this year and found no Gavin Kamski in there. But I found one Gavin… Reed?” He arches his eyebrow.

Gavin purses his lips, prepared to tell his brother off for intruding, but then his words finally register — and cold rage rises inside of him.

He crosses his arms over his chest. “Those lists aren’t published anywhere. You’ve just admitted to hacking the DCPD databases. To a future police officer.” He feels very clever saying it.

Not for long. Because Elijah’s face _brightens_. He laughs, a long forgotten sound, warm and reminding of better times. He comes closer, and Gavin has to fight the urge to step back.

“What a bright thing you are, darling,” Elijah says, smile on his face. “Now tell me, please, _why_ have you done it.”

And Gavin finally sees it. Sees everything. This smile? It’s not kind. It’s cold and patient. This _darling_? It has nothing on the endearments Elijah has been showering him with in the past, it doesn’t mean anything. This approval on his face? No, it’s not fake, it’s real, but it’s not about being proud of Gavin. It’s about Elijah getting the exact reaction he wanted. Because he isn’t impressed. He isn’t afraid. He isn’t… He isn’t…

“Hey, hey…” Elijah half-whispers, coming even closer, his hands coming to frame Gavin’s face. “What’s with that face? What’s wrong?”

He must say something. He must push Elijah away. He must swallow the upcoming tears. He must fight this. But his body isn’t listening. The only thing he is still able to do is to control his face, not allowing it to scrunch up in an ugly grimace of crying.

And of course, Elijah interprets it like _he_ wants to.

“Oh, brother…” Elijah’s voice is disgustingly sweet. “You’re too tense. You need to relax.”

The moment the word _relax_ is out, Gavin knows what’s coming next. But even the terror that comes with this realization isn’t enough to make him act. So when Elijah leans down — he’s grown taller, not fair, not _fair_ — and kisses him, Gavin still can’t will himself to move.

The kiss is slow, is sweet, is screaming about love.

It’s horrible.

Everything that Gavin’s been trying to bury these past two and half years comes back, each bittersweet memory of time spent together, of being there for each other, of every time Elijah’s kisses made him forget his worries. It’s a torture. It’s an instinct. Gavin’s eyes fall shut, his hands weakly clutch at the hem of Elijah’s sweater, and he hates himself for it. For giving up so quickly, for rolling over like a dog excited to receive belly rubs.

But what he hates the most — it is that it _works_. The tension leaves his body, there’s warmth, there’s… love. So bright it pushes everything else away.

And then Elijah rubs his chin against Gavin’s, the rough stubble scraping at the skin.

It’s raw and new. 

It’s the wake-up call Gavin needs.

He pushes Elijah away, not even trying to control the strength with which he hits his chest.

“I changed my name because I’m not a part of that family,” Gavin says, the last word slightly muffled by his hand rubbing against his lips, wiping the wetness away. “Because that woman has never been my mother, because that man has stopped to be my father and because you aren’t my brother anymore. You aren’t my anything anymore. So I suggest you fucking leave.”

And Gavin is proud of himself. Because his voice doesn’t waver. His gaze doesn’t waver, no. He looks Elijah straight into his eyes as he says it.

When Elijah turns around and leaves without saying any more words, his face completely void of emotions, Gavin feels even prouder.

This night, Gavin lets himself cry about losing his brother one last time.

 

5.  
Gavin remembers the times when cars weren’t automatic. The feeling of a wheel under your hands, warm leather, a tight grip. He loved learning about cars, not their inner workings, but the way they respond. He loved finding out the difference between one model or another, loved comparing the reactions he got from them, loved figuring out the exact force he needed to apply to the pedals to make a car speed up exactly as he wanted, to stop as urgently as he needed.

If he was the one driving the car right now, steering the wheel, it would wander on the road like a drunkard trying to find his way through the streets.

He wants to go. He doesn’t. He needs to turn back. He shouldn’t. He can stop the car with one command. He won’t.

The house looks like a fortress, ugly and uninviting, strict and cold. Gavin really doesn’t wish to go in there. But he has no choice.

Once upon a time, Elijah taught him the difference between _want_ and _need_. Taught him really well.

The android girl that opens the door doesn’t have a single emotion on her face. It’s creepy. With Connor around, Gavin got used to androids being emotional. This girl has a default face on. 

“Detective,” she says. He isn’t surprised she knows him. “Please come in.”

Just like that? “You... sure I can? Don’t you need to ask permission?”

She smiles at him. So she does have emotions. “You have a standing invitation to enter any property Elijah currently resides in regardless of his presence or absence.” Her smile turns sheepish. “It was one of the first commands he gave me after I was activated, you know? It’s nice to finally be able to act on it.”

She leads him through a hall that has a giant portrait of Elijah right across the entrance (which is wow, gross) to the room with a pool laid with red tiles which make the water look like cheap wine (which is wow, creepy much). There’re two more androids in the water, the same model as the one that let him in. They pay him no mind, chattering while swimming in lazy circles.

“Elijah is through that door,” the android tells him, gesturing towards the door near the glass wall. Detroit can be seen in the distance, its towers hidden by fog, fighting the nightfall with thousands of lights. 

The door opens swiftly, no creaking at all, soft yellow light falling on Gavin’s shoes. He exhales. He feels like an intruder, damn what the Ch— Yes, that’s right, the android name is Chloe, he remembers now. Damn what she said about the invitation.

Gavin stands frozen, the door half-open, trying to control his breathing. He can hear the pages of a book turning over, the sound repeating with small intervals. Elijah has always been a fast reader. Five pages later comes a pause. The silence falls.

“Chloe? Is something the matter?”

No sound leaves Gavin’s lips. There’s a sigh, then a sound of the bed squeaking, the sheets rustling. Steps approaching. The door slides open.

Gavin expects questions. He expects mockery. He expects anger. He expects indifference.

Elijah reaches for him and pulls him into an embrace.

Gavin takes a deep breath that turns into a whimper that turns into a sob, his hands weaving tightly around his brother’s body. He barely registers being led somewhere, he doesn’t argue when his jacket is being carefully taken off of him, and when he falls down on the bed, a woollen blanket put on his shoulders, the heavy weight of another body beside him, he lets himself cry. Elijah’s hand strokes his hair, over and over again, he whispers something soothing, affectionate. 

Androids self-destroy when their stress levels reach the maximum. They shoot themselves, they bash their heads against the walls, they jump down the roofs. They rip out their own hearts.

If Gavin was an android, he would’ve done something like that long time ago.

Since Connor came back to the DCPD to work officially, partnering with Anderson, Gavin’s life’s been hell. No, he doesn’t hate the android. He doesn’t even dislike him. But it’s impossible to keep up with him. Connor was made for this, to be a cop, to be a _perfect_ cop, and he lives up to his programming. His crime-solving rates are astounding. He and Anderson are unstoppable. And Gavin is an idiot for trying to catch up with them.

He doesn’t sleep enough, he doesn’t eat enough, he lives off coffee and energy drinks, he spends all of his time at work even when he is off the shift. He knows it’s futile, but he has nothing else left in his life besides work. Gavin has been destroying himself for months, and he knew that, and he accepted it.

But when the perp he was chasing one day had shot at him and missed, leaving Gavin to feel _regret_ about that, he knew he needed help.

And just as before, when he was a kid, he had no one to turn to except Elijah.

Elijah, whom he hasn’t seen in person for almost eighteen years. Elijah, who has been sending him cards for each birthday and important holidays and hasn’t received anything in return. Elijah, who moved to live away from the city, hiding from everyone. Elijah, who was told he was nothing to Gavin when in fact he was, is and will always be his everything.

“Eli…”

“Yes?”

“Do I really have an open invitation?”

His brother chuckles. “Of course. All Chloes know about you. It was one of the first commands I’ve assigned her after I made sure she is working.”

“Made sure she— You saying she’s the first one? The one that met me?” Gavin backs away a little to look at his brother’s face. It bears a smile, small and tentative. “First to pass the test?” Elijah nods. Gavin’s head spins. “But it was… So long ago…” Almost two decades ago. Less than a year after they parted ways. Oh god. “Have you been…” he breathes out, breathes in. “Waiting for me?”

And there comes a horrible thought that maybe, maybe when Elijah came to him in 2021, acting worried, he wasn’t acting. Maybe his smiles were genuine. Maybe he was sincere. Maybe he was really hurt by Gavin’s words, but just too proud to stay. Maybe he walked away without fighting because he thought that Gavin just needed time. 

Elijah’s face is all sharp lines, shadows deep and highlights of peachy-yellow color. He nods, his eyelids fluttering shut for a second, mirroring the movement. Gavin feels choked up again, his eyes falling shut. And then he starts talking. He tells his brother about everything. About the birthday cards he keeps in the drawer near his bed. About him watching that stupid factory tour video at least a hundred times. About hating the androids not only for what they are but because they've become the most important thing instead of him. About the chaos of the android revolution changing the DCPD. About Connor: hating him, then tolerating him, then accepting him, then trying to keep up with him. About failing. About never feeling safe. About being alone. About wishing, just for a second, that everything could just end. He talks, and talks, and talks, and Eli keeps caressing his shoulder and arm and then hair again, brushing the loose strands away from his forehead.

It’s cathartic. It’s powerful. It’s gaining the ability to speak after almost two decades of silence, because speaking is not only about _talking_ , it’s about being _heard_. And when Gavin finishes, his throat hoarse, Elijah breathes hot air on his dry lips, says a quiet, “Thank you,” and leans in to kiss him. And Gavin doesn’t know how he could ever doubt his brother’s love.

Exhausted, happy and safe, Gavin falls asleep.

 

6.  
“I want to give you a gift,” Elijah says the next morning, accepting a cup of steaming hot coffee from Chloe’s hands. Gavin feels groggy from too much sleep — he hasn’t slept for full eight hours in _ages_ — but he refuses a cup, opting for some juice.

“A gift. What kind of gift?”

“The kind that only I can give.”

Gavin meets his brother’s eyes over the table. Gavin squints in suspicion. Gavin squints harder when his brother nods.

“And why would I need _that_?”

“Gavin. It’s a simple math. If you want to compete with a team of two people — you need someone else by your side. Listen,” Elijah adds hastily, “it’s a wonderful prototype. He was meant to be a deviant hunter like your, ah, colleague, but after he fell onto my hands I tweaked him a little, and now he can be a perfect partner for you.” His eyes burn with enthusiasm. “What do you say?”

And what _does_ he say? What can he say, when Eli looks at him with his bright eyes, a stupid excited smile on his face that makes him look younger? What can he say, when there’s lightness inside of him, when the air fills his lungs with such easiness?

Gavin says, “Okay.”

Elijah smiles wider.

Gavin smiles too.

It’s nice to have his brother back.

**Author's Note:**

> We all know who that android is *shrugs*. Gavin needs support — I gave him support. Let's just hope that when he sees Gavin being kissed by Elijah for the first time, he won't panic and just asks. Because it's definitely a reed900 universe.


End file.
